Dec 012022

With all the hype of Black Friday, Cyber Monday and yes, even Giving Tuesday, the word “discount” was used frequently and, for the most part, I liked it. I found some deals for Christmas gifts, ideas that sparked my own interests and more until I used it in a different way though almost just as frequently this past weekend as all year round.

Discounting myself has become my normative and I’m working to change that. It’s a battle of epic proportions, for myself and the others around me, as I start to define and understand my own expectations, renewed self worth and personal choices so I am a better person to myself and to others. All year round I was quick to discount my own agenda or objectives, pushing aside writing, or reading, simply resting or leaving the dishes until morning in an effort to uplift others. What a terrible idea!

Listening to a recent episode of Soul Sister Conversations – The Podcast I realized I was misusing the term “discounted” tremendously. Feeling like discounting something always had to be a great thing, I pushed my own needs and wants aside to make room for others. I would pay full price with the expectation of showing someone else they are valuable to me, showing them the value I saw of them to them despite their own rejection and discount of their own self worth. So instead of walking away, I’d try harder, do more and carve more time and scrape more energy together to help them fully see who they are through my eyes.

What a waste of time and energy. Not the person, of course, but the methods were completely wrong.

It would never mean as much to the other person so see their own value through my eyes if I was so stressed, worn out and depleted to be of no value myself. Like the overused circumstance of putting on your own life mask before worrying about securing it to a child on a descending airplane, you are of no use to anyone if you are not yourself.

So this week I have said no. I felt guilty for cancelling plans and not putting in my best effort in all the avenues I showed up to, I walked away from difficult situations that had less to do with me and more to do with the personal frustration and realization of another and I stood up for myself. Right now, in fact, I escaped to a quieter room away from my family to write this because I felt I needed the safe space. Today was a blessing, a gift of no school and my husband staying home from work without much notice and I was happy for that. Until it got too loud, too much them and not enough me so I left.

Normally I would discount my need for separation and rejoice in the extra time with family, sacrificing my need for a moment to be authentically me so I could help them preform to the best of their abilities. It’s teamwork, yes, relationships are give and take and a harmony of sacrifices and blessings, as long as you’re capable of recognizing each for what they need to be.

So go forth, be authentically you and, in doing so, know you’re worth full price and by recognizing that you’re giving others permission to see that, too.

PS: Timing really is everything a the moment I finished the sentence before, I looked up to the sky from my basement window to see an eagle soaring. He did a single magnificent loop in the area I could see, by himself and yet, it wouldn’t surprise me to see he had a family to attend to. He just was.

Thanks for reading,

Sarah Butland

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