I heard so much of this book and the fabulous author that I had to get it. I wasn’t exactly sure it would be for me, however, as I naively never really saw myself as a show off or having the need to be a great public speaker. I was wrong. I hate and love the book for that.
I’m not far into it, this is not a review by any means, but I thought I would share my action steps with you and, as much as that terrifies me, hope you’ll follow along. I won’t be publishing all the steps, you’ll need to get your own copy to do them all (Amazon Canada affiliate link: https://amzn.to/3PXPUgp), but this one was early on in the book and is one I’m struggling with.
Give your fear a name.
I had to stop and think about that one because I often feel brave. Thinking about it, however, scares me and had me come to realize I am scared of a lot of things. Not snakes or spiders but… me. And here’s what I named it:
Commitment Obsessed Loving Eternally (COLE)
What this means to me is I’m fearful of never being enough to keep my loved ones close. With a long history of goodbyes, when I meet someone I connect with I obsess with trying to impress them to the point where I’m too exhausted to do unto me.
I’ve always recognized it though never really saw it as a fear until now.
COLE makes me hesitate to promote myself but quick to celebrate everyone else’s success. It encourages me to hide behind a computer, hoping that others will find and celebrate me without my needing to beg. I count the likes or obsess over the non-likes and worry it means I’m not being seen. COLE is a burden I obsess over without realizing it and the one friend I would be glad to say farewell to.
My first attempt at a letter from my fear:
Dear Sarah,
Cole here, I know you’ve been listening to me and obsessing over every word. Even on those days you’re feeling confident and loved, hearing the kind words, my voice is louder. The more you listen the louder I get and the stronger I am. You’re doing all the right things to keep yourself from taking a bigger risk.
Leaping is scary, especially if no one is there to catch you.
Just keep distracting yourself with living through others and I’ll stay by your side. I will never leave you so I love what you’re doing. Keep searching for recognition and respect from an outside source because once you realize you are enough you won’t be able to hear me. You don’t want to lose someone who has always been in your life, do you?
Forever yours,
Cole
PS: Where would you be without me?
Thanks for reading and being on this journey with me. Let me know the name of your fear in the comments.
Sarah
Jul 272022